Multiple Choice Questions

Multiple Choice Questions

Grad school has been busy, and that's why I haven't been as regular on this blog as I should have been. So that's why I got Wicked Witch of the West play mommy on me and reprimand me online. So that's why I got SnowWhite's Stepmother play ummm... wicked stepmother (?) on me and say nobody really reads this and I shouldn't bother. *sigh* And then I bumped into my Delhi Twin online, and we had a fun chat about some of the people we know in common, and what the whole rigmarole of dating is all about. Complicated stuff.

I've been reading about Michel Foucault a bit for class, and that bugger used to talk about something called the "de-centered self": basically, there are multiples "selves" to every person, and everyone flits among those "selves", so there's no real "one person". How does all that mumbo-jumbo apply here? Mmm... think about it. So many of us gay guys are so many different "selves", we're continuously looking for a different person to cater to each "self". And do we get shortchanged in the process? Well, what do you think?



I started thinking about all this, after I told Delhi Twin that I was (kinda) dating someone. "ONLY dating," I hastened to add, "Nothing more than that, mind you." So he was a bit perplexed about what I meant by that, and I filled him in on a conversation I'd had with SS the night before:

SS: "*sigh* So are you doing other people, besides this guy?"

CT: "O yea. I had this cute Irish laddie in bed last night - and this morning, of course."

So... that's it, I explained to Delhi Twin. "Dating" is when we're meeting up regularly, so it's more than a one-night stand, and we're getting all cozy and cute and cuddly, but we haven't had the Exclusive Chat (capital letters) yet. When that thorny issue comes up, and we pass through without getting singed, that'll be the "seeing stage". I remember having a similar conversation a year or so back with that other Delhi boy, Soulboy, and talking about what's a relationship and what's not, and so this was a strange deja vu happening here. And, very much like Soulboy, Delhi Twin was not very convinced with my logical reasoning. I see perhaps a pattern here: are Delhi boys (Soulboy and DT) per chance more old fashioned in how they see gay relationships, while Bombay boys (SS and myself) are more... umm... pragmatic? Save that thought for later...

So, DT referred to a common friend and opined that people who date/ conduct one-nighters on an extra-regular basis aren't really giving either themselves or their potential dates a good enough opportunity to evolve. It's always a situation of "Yea, he was cute, but the sex wasn't all that great, and hell, I can make up my mind after I meet candidate number 2 who's ringing my doorbell right now." And even though DT was talking about our mutual friend in this connection, that description could pretty well fit me too.

"So what happens is this," types in DT, "A year or two later, he calls me up and says, you know DT, candidate number 565 has really grown up quite a lot now, and he's soooo my type! And I keep saying, why don't you just stop?"

I tried to put on a defense for both the mutual friend (and myself) and argued that well, it's not easy to know when to stop. So, when you're looking, and they all seem to be turnips, you don't want to end up with a turnip, right? So... you keep looking.



But then, DT had this to say: "Is it that tough really? I mean, my fear is: when you find someone who is sexy and cute, and smart and well-settled, and everything you ever wanted, will you be able to understand it - or will you be so used to looking that you'll just ignore him? What will you really do, when you bump into Mr. All-of-the-above?"

*ulp*

"All of the above". An elusive term.

Past Addictions

Past Addictions

I used to love this song a long time back when I was in college, and then I heard it again this morning after ages - and then, I realized, this was exactly the way I felt during November-December, when things were breaking down with the ex...

(Try to ignore the 'she' part! *grin*)

She says she hates to sleep alone, but she'll do it tonight.
She wants to grab her telephone, but she knows it ain't right.
So if he won't call, she'll survive, and if he don't care, she'll get by.
Climb into bed, bury her head, and cry.

From the beginning he was all anyone could have been.
They were delirious with love; they were certain to win.
Now he's breaking plans more and more, and he's leaving notes on her door.
Took a trip out of town, couldn't turn this one down; He said, "I guess I
should have told you before."

She says she feels like she's addicted to a real bad thing,
Always sitting, waiting, wondering if the phone will ring,
She knows she bounces like a yo-yo when he pulls her string,
It hurts to feel like such a fool.

She wants to tell him not to call or come around again,
He doesn't need her now at all the way that she needs him.
She's on the edge about to fall from leaning out and in,
And she don't know which way to move.

She wants to be fair; she couldn't say he was ever unkind,
But if she could bear to walk away, she thinks he wouldn't mind
'Cause he just keeps himself so apart and there's no one else in her heart,
So she's taking a dive from an emotional high and coming down hard.

She's determined to try, but she'll still give in when he gives her a call.
She'll ask herself why, but in the end it won't matter at all.
Sure, she could sit at home, stay inside and sleep alone with her pride
And as she walks out that door, she feels as weak as before with nothing to hide.

She says she feels like she's addicted to a real bad thing,
Always sitting, waiting, wondering if the phone will ring,
She knows she bounces like a yo-yo when he pulls her string,
It hurts to feel like such a fool.

Man, it feels GREAT to have those days behind me now! :)

Collars and Cuffs

Collars and Cuffs

The other night, I'm over at the Lesbian Cowboy's place before heading out to a party together, and we're discussing Employment Opportunities at the li'l ole midwest town I'm at.

CT: "I mean, I would love to meet someone who's not in either the retail business or the food business. I mean, where the eff have all the cute white collar boys gone?"

LC, a bit flummoxed: "Huh, say that again?"

CT, trying to organize thoughts: "Well, in Bombay I used to date all sorts of people with fun careers. There were journalists with big newspapers and television channels, there were rich stockbrokers and investment bankers, some great designers, interiors and fashion, some smart guys working with NGOs even, and you know... basically, cute, sexy and qualified!"

LC bursts into laughter: "O you poor thing!"

CT: "Well, here all I get are college boys or Subway boys or Wal-Mart boys or boys waiting at bars! I mean, fine, if I get a truck-driver for the first time, I can tell myself it's a gay porno fantasy so just shut up and have sex and enjoy it... but here I've been meeting 5 truck drivers online in the past few days!"

LC falls off her chair.

This is actually a topic I've chatted on with Irish Coffee as well. He's one of the few gay men here I've met, who have what can be considered a proper Bombay-ishtyle white collar job. And he's got a sad story to tell. He says, the city I'm in is dying away and every smart gay man over the age of 30 moves from here - so, it's not really a surprise to him that I'm meeting truck drivers and Subway boys. O, and nursing attendants. A lot of 37-year old nursing attendants here.

While this story didn't really trouble me too much at the time - I mean, every city rises and falls, right? - I got into a conversation some time later with this really smart and sexy artist here. Artist, yes, but he gets his money from his night-job, that's playing bouncer at a bar. Ummmmm.....! And when he heard me moan about how I wanted white collar hunks, he got a bit perturbed and said that I was being snobbish. I shouldn't be bothered about what my guy did for a living, he said, I should simply let go and be attracted/ fall in love. It didn't matter that I was white collar; I should just go ahead and do blue collar/ hippie.



Well, sure, I can do a blue collar, but I doubt I would be happy enough to settle down with one. I know I've blogged about professions and which ones are 'sexy', and while I never really thought about that in so much detail, I know I probably won't be happy 'living' with a guy who drives trucks, or even one who's going back to college at age 38. True, there's the cultural thing: guys here go back to college even at age 40 sometimes, but there's also my culture - and I don't set up house with pizza boys. Sadly enough, that does make me a snob in America.

He Man sings

PInk Panther/ Adam

Pink Panther/ Adam

The video up there was shown to me by a friend here in the ole midwest, and I just fell off my chair laughing. O, and of course it brought back memories. I used to have this massive crush on He-Man in the good ole days and despite my yearning for that tanned hottie, I also nurtured this li'l hope that Teela and He-Man would finally get together. O, and the gay fantasies had tonnes of scope for Prince Adam, of course. :)

I mean, look at Adam - he's blond, he's wearing a wide-neck skin-tight white shirt which is sooo gay, with a dark pink velvet jacket, pink undies, pink stockings, and pink boots lined with fur. Hell, you don't need Youtube to scream out that it's all fabulously homosexual. Of course, when I was ten, I didn't really get all the subtext, but I still had all the usual moony thoughts about Adam finally being brave, and sweeping Teela off her feet and the two of them fcuking like rabbits in the palace. (Castle Grayskull is too sombre a place for humping!)

And now that I'm a seasoned ole slut, I can imagine Skeletor with his mad ole grin pumping poor li'l Adam against the walls of Snake Mountain. *cue for evil laugh*

What prompted this little trip down Nasty Nostalgia, was bumping into this guy (not the one who showed me the Youtube clip and loaned me DVDs of Best of He-Man) who has a fetish for cartoon sex. I think it's called hentai, actually. So there we were, he and I, and he confesses that he's got a thing for watching cute furry cartoon characters sport huge dicks and start going at it with each other. I'm intrigued, because at one level this is something new, and at another, I'm thinking of my own childhood fantasies involving He-Man (and also the GI Joes, hehehe!), and so he starts showing me some of his collection. It's pretty impressive, really, some of it has great artwork. It's like imagining Superman fuck Spiderman - it's got all the improbable positions - but with maybe a Kryptonian Dog and a Tarrantula head affixed.

The thing is, despite my childish trepidation, hentai gay porn is a big business. I remember, while going through one of my favourite gay websites, how many of the galleries featured cartoon wolves copulating with cartoon foxes. And no, that can't be part of a Gay Parent Education Programme, right?

CT, stunned: "Wow, you're telling me there are loads of people out there who go for cartoon porn?"

CartoonKid: "O yea. Feel me - I'm hard."

O, he was. :)