Veed and I were sitting at Kaala Ghodaa, eating candyfloss. Pink and deliciously sticky. And discussing coming out. While I may be still very much in the closet, despite my mum's buying me silver bracelets and my brother buying me skin-tight tees, Veed pretty much broke his way out through the wood ages ago. Something which I've admired, but not managed to emulate as yet.
But Veed hates going to parties.
"Why is that?" I asked him, between bits of pink candyfloss, "How come you've never been to GB parties or Voodoo's or anything at all?"
Veed, shrugging shoulders and whining: "I don't knooooowwww. I went to a GB party once... but walked out after ten minutes."
CT: "Why? Someone grabbed your crotch? Or because no one grabbed your crotch? (grin) That's what happens to me, usually!"
Veed, glaring sarcastically: "NOOOOO!!!"
CT: "Then what?"
Veed: "It's just... not my scene. I'm out to my parents and all... I've always known I was gay and everything... but... I'm just not comfortable with seeing all those men out there, openly rubbing and grinding and kissing each other!"
CT burts into laughter and Veed glares some more.
Veed, in icy avatar: "I'm sorry if I make you laugh, Mr Been-There-Done-Them..."
CT, sobering: "Naaa, that's not it at all. It's just that... well, that's what makes GB so special for me... the thought that, here's the place where I can go with a guy and actually do all that rubbing and grinding and kissing!"
Veed, disbelievingly: "Really?"
CT: "U-huh! That's why Boy and I frequented Voodoo's so much, when GB parties were not happening. And now, with all that silly bar license issue, GB parties may be royally fucked even more!"
Well, apart from how GB parties may end up getting screwed/skewered, it seemed strange to me: the dichotomy in what Coming Out means. There was Veed, who came 'out' to his parents at the tender age of fifteen/sixteen, but who hates the idea of public gay affection, even in a gay forum... and there's me, who still likes to believe that my family doesn't know I'm gay (though, my family probably hopes for it more than I do!), but loves to boogey at GB parties in full Pink Gear nonetheless. I'm not completely sure which one is the real 'coming out', and I'm not sure I would be right, even if I thought I did. Veed's parents know he's gay, but his bringing guys back home is completely absurd... and while my mum may buy me a chunky silver bracelet, she still blanches in horror when she sees the orange pants I bought for myself.
;-)
Closets are made of sterner stuff than wood, methinks.
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