So I was at my workdesk at the office, and I start chatting with Mahesh. The point of discussion is (surprise, surprise) Relationships, and How We Gay Guys Handle Them. And while that could well be a bona fide Harvard course, for the moment it was just the two of us dissecting. Mahesh happens to be one of those sweet people who used to believe that relationships are the most important things in the world, and he was slowly coming around to the view that, well, some people just aren't made for them.
"O, hell, babe, I could have told you that eons ago," I responded, thinking about all the playas and the One Night Stands I've gone through, "But it's quite alright, you know. I mean, some people are just very comfortable without a relationship, and can really do without one. It's just the nuts like me who want them!"
And then, of course, I'm reminded of SnowWhite's Stepmother's famous quote about relationships vis-a-vis bags ("All you silly boys crying about love! The only thing worth mooning over is a LV bag!"), and I discuss yet another brand of relationship junkies with Mahesh - the kind who hanker after relationships but are actually pretty dismal at them, for whatever reason. It's like a favourite bag you have to have, I chuckle online, a nice big Prada or LV that seems to control how you want your life to be. And getting one from the pavement, even if it is a great imitation, is never good enough!
Mahesh thinks, there's a weird conditioning that has to be undone - gay men have to understand that being in love is not necessarily the only good thing that can happen to them, and they must be ready to live their lives without the absolute tearing need to find love. A part of me felt like telling him, it's fine for him to talk so, since he's already in a strong 3-year old relationship, but I didn't. Perhaps, he was telling the truth; perhaps some men would be better off, concentrating on their careers and their families and their friends, if they just stopped hankering after that perfect Prada-man.
Later, during lunch, I discuss the idea with my friend the Mad Bawi, who recently broke up from her fiance. "So what's a relationship to you?" I asked her, and pat came the reply, "O, well, the closest comparison I can think of, is a JOB!"
Whoops! So, if you thought TalkingClosets was getting too mushy, here come the cynics! :)
But when you start thinking about it, it actually makes sense. You have to work hard at your relationship, to make it work. Impressions and interviews are equally important in that great job and that great relationship. And everyone wants to dump that old 'job' for that bigger and better one around the corner. If your current 'job' doesn't have those great dimples or that propensity to get you gifts, you want the one that does. And if you thought that those long hours for that all-important presentation the next day are taxing, you won't believe what a rough patch in a relationship can do to you - just ask me and the Mad Bawi. :)
CT: "So what are the fringe benefits? What about the annual bonuses? What's that in a relationship?"
Mad Bawi laughs: "O, great sex is a HUGE bonus. And then there's the companionship of course. I mean, it feels good to be in a great relationship, doesn't it? That's something being single just doesn't measure up to, sadly...."
CT: "And could we see the gradual stages in a relationship as our 'annual increments'? Like when you pass from the 'dating' phase to the 'seeing' phase, and then to the 'exclusive' phase, and so on and so forth?"
Mad Bawi: "Yep, and there's plenty of scope for a demotion as well. Like when you slip from the 'fiance' stage to the 'break-up' stage."
Ummm... cue for a sympathetic pat in the middle of the street.... followed by both our heads turning after this utterly cute and hunky guy on the street who's walking away from us. You know the type - mix of 'rugged' and 'chocolate boy', fair and big, with wavy hair you'd like to muss...
CT and Mad Bawi, mouths open: "Shall we follow him?"
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