Last night I was online, and met a guy who was there in my LGBT Safety Orientation Session. I didn't recognize him at first, and when I finally did, it was kinda funny. I'd seen him at the gay bar the other night too, as he was the guy chatting with Sweet Older Guy, and I'd been more or less ignoring him then. He spoke to me all of once that night, asking "So are you having fun?", to which I'd replied in a not-very-amused way "What do you think?", and turned away. Somehow, one realizes how stupid one acts/acted only after the deed is done - and I guess it was the same with me. So I see this guy the next day at the LGBT session and then again online, and I felt terribly embarassed. Picture me red. He asked me why I hadn't been dancing that night, and I said because I didn't feel like talking to strangers. "You should get over that", he responded, and I kinda think he's right. I should.
So, tonight, I have a date (sorta) with a guy who might take me aboard his boat. No pun intended there. And this weekend, I'm travelling to a neighbouring city with someone I'd chatted with online ages ago. The emphasis really is to go out there and make some new friends.
Hell, I bought myself new sneakers at Wal-Mart; can friends really be that tough?
So, the LGBT session was chaired by this venerable ole dyke professor, and we all gawked at and admired her tattoos. She said, her marriage of 22 years before coming out was what she calls "doin' my hard time", and we all giggled at that - the lesbians in the room guffawed, and us gay guys tittered. I got chummy with the gal next to me, a Masters student in Fine Arts, and we've made plans to catch up next week, and maybe go dancing. She's from Cowboy Country and said she'd bring back a hat for me next time she went home. :) I'm torn between asking for the hat or the big snakeskin boots. Both would be great sex-aids.
Getting back to what the professor said, she encouraged us to walk into class on the very first day of our teaching assignments, and make it very clear that in addition to not tolerating any shit about non-attendance and racism, we would also not stand for any homophobic comments. "You don't have to come out, necessarily, but by saying that you won't tolerate homophobia in the classroom, you instantly make the queer students in the room feel safer, and the straight students feel a tad more sensitive."
It's an interesting concept, but I wonder how many queer students there really would be in a class of, say, 20, people. And, hell, even if I don't come out outright, just by making that statement, isn't it very clear where my orientation lies? (Or is that the closeted Indian in me talking?) When I first thought of coming here, I reasoned I'd probably be a bit more open about being gay than I was in Bombay - but this is Redneck Country here, fairly Christian Conservative, so maybe being too 'out and proud' is not such a great idea. And then, there are counter-arguments - like the other guy I chatted with online last night, who's living here and is out, and has been out for almost three years now. There're no maniacs with pitchforks outside his house - yet.
So this is still a grey area for me. And I'm not sure how I'm really going to react. Even if I don't come out and make a statement like the professor suggested, maybe I'll step in with a "NO Homophobia" discussion on a case-to-case basis in the classroom. If I do come out of the closet in the classroom, I'd probably rush right here to the computer lab to change the blog's name. :)
On a more personal note, I feel midly happy. The ex contacted me last night, having finally realized I was in the States, and wanted to meet up. I told him, I don't think it's a good idea. I'm glad I did so, and I'm proud of myself. No looking back here; the doors have closed.
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