He feels... natural

He feels... natural

So, Nature Boy and I are on a break. It still feels strange to say so; to think so. This is the first time I'm talking about the break here, on this space, though it's been on for almost a week now. When we decided on the break, I asked him not to come by this space - as this was mine. My own very little backyard to vent. The other day, he asks me when he can come back: he says, he's used to the idea of watching me talk here, he's used to reading my sms' and hearing my voice on the phone, too.

What can I say to that?

I'm used to him, too.

So I told him, he can come back. I don't know whether he has, already. I don't know whether he's still staying away. But it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, and I told him that. I've already told him how I feel about him, and what I feel about us - and I doubt that I shall express anything extra in this space, that I already have not told him, face to face. What matters is this: the realisation that I am used to him, as well.

I wish it works out for us, at the end. Is this a Ross-Rachel break? I don't know. (Didn't those two end up, in the end, again?!) This is going to be difficult for me, because I was falling... into something that I thought could last. But if it doesn't... well, if it doesn't, I will move on. I know that. I'm strong that way. I may be cold that way. Does strength feel cold? I'm not very sure. But I'll get through it, either way.

Perhaps it's because I want him in my life. Perhaps, it's because, regardless of whether or not he can understand me and reconnect with me, I am used to him. I am used to his silly ways and his silly words. I am used to knowing that he is there for me, when I need him. I like him. I would like to fall in love with him, but if that doesn't work out - I would still like to keep him in my life. Hence the degree of coldness that I deem necessary.

Hence the need to avoid listening to Nat King Cole for some time.

;-)