A Natural(?) End

A Natural(?) End

I planned on making this another Delhi post. I had all the lines written in my head. I would talk about the different parts of Delhi, the different boys found there, the different tactics to use in order to get them - your average Do-it-yourself guide to saddi gay dilli, if you please.

And then, the break-up happened.

All the old dialogue comes hurtling back at me. The understood and unspoken nuances. The hopes. The idea that, hey, Ross and Rachel did get back together in the end, right? And some such stuff... But it's over, and I'm not really sure why. Nature Boy said, he's not ready. And I'm not really sure why. O yes, I heard the explanations. But I can't understand them: they're like all those other nuances. Was I too forceful in wanting a relationship? I'm not sure. Perhaps. I can say 'perhaps' to a lot of things. Perhaps he was a coward. Perhaps he should have tried to sort things out, rather than thrusting his tail between his legs and running...

Perhaps, it's just the sour grapes talking.

This evening, a friend asked me whether I was in love with Nature Boy. I don't think so. Can a month or thereabouts be enough to fall in love with someone? I don't believe in love at first sight, though lust-at-first-sight is a perfectly plausible phenomenon. I don't think I was in love with Nature Boy - but I think, I could find myself being. And that's the hardest thing of all. To think that another potential is flushed down the toilet... and like every other tortured gay man on the planet, I inevitably look into the mirror and ask that same question: was it me?

And like every other gay man on the planet, I tell myself that it's his loss.