Every year, come June, Bombay collectively waits with bated breath for its monsoon - and takes a fierce protective pride at it. So when the monsoon came a tad late this year, owing to some gusty weather over Oman, the Bombay brigade hurled quite a few grumbles at the desert country, for delaying 'our' monsoon. No matter that we all knew, when it finally did come, later rather than never, we would find ourselves clutching hard onto our umbrellas, praying that our lanes and houses would not flood, and cursing the Municipal Corporation. In Bombay, Monsoon Mayhem is quite the annual thing, something like your Winter Antique Car Rally or Autumnal Diwali. :)
So while I got quite a few barbs from my Dilli dosts upon returning to Bombay, about how great it was to enjoy the rains without drowning in them, I sms-ed back, Rains in Delhi? Where? You mean the dewdrops you guys get there?
Bombay's rains don't do much to dampen the sexual fervor of its gay residents, however. Natureboy told me over coffee the other day that he actually feels even more ardent than ever - in addition to the usual "I don't want to wake up in the morning"feeling. And as for me, well, sometime back, I braved the rains to go over to Andheri East for some weekend nookie - and anyone who's lived in Bombay will know that crossing from the West to the East is like Asia to the States. Long distance fcuk.
The rains also give you some insight into the style of a prospective date. Let's lay down the Umbrella Rules here:
1. 'Folded' is passe.
2. The longer, the better.
3. Rainbow is soooo out, it's not even gay anymore.
4. Curved handles are the only way to go.
5. Bright solid colours are safest, but if you wanna have fun, you can play with prints.
The cute guy with the great dimples, getting wet by Carter Road is the only choice if he scores on all those points. You can practically visualize walking by the ocean, getting soaked in the sea-spray and the rain, munching on corn, laughing about something undoubtedly funny, wearing something impracticably elegant, looking so genteel...
It's another matter altogether that the cute guy with the great dimples and the perfect umbrella is never there by Carter Road.
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