Post One: Staightening it out
The straight and narrow was never really for me. I realised that from the time I was 12 years old. Perhaps, even younger. Let's be honest. When you start paying more attention to He-Man than to Teela, there's something fishy going on here. All it takes, is a matter of time to find out what.
This is my gay blog. It seems funny to put it like that. This is my blog where I post about myself: the emotional, ethical, sexual, spiritual, hilarious parts of being gay. An overall experience that is so intrinsicaly not just a matter of sexual preference, but so much a type of being. When I ask my friends whether I sound gay, and the answer is in the affirmative, I panic. It hurts, really, to think that I may be identified with a certain 'type' of person. That's the complication of being in the closet.
You get hurt if you stay stuck in your closet. I remember what happened to Polonius in Shakespeare's Hamlet, when he did so. You laugh at silly jokes that you would otherwise find stupid and perhaps offensive. You brush away silly little tremours, and wonder whether anyone else in the work place or your friends' circle knows that you're gay. Most of all, it's the suspicion, the extra care that you tell yourself you must take.
I must be getting tired of that. This blog is evident enough proof of that. This is not my first gay blog - (there I said it!). I killed the earlier one, after about five posts, because I felt I had nothing more really to say in it. What? That I was gay, and that I was in the closet? That took about two posts. The rest was hot air. The rejuvenation of the gay blog for me at this time is a statement: I have things to say. Being gay is not just about having sex at night with men and then running away for cover. It's about being open - most of all to myself.
Most of all, the gay blog is a statement to myself: I'm gay. I like being gay. The closet is another matter, altogether, however.
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