Never thought of myself as a mentor of sorts (though I will be applying for a graduate assistant position at an American university later this year) until the other day. The other day was intended to catch up with li'l Veed, of whom I have admittedly not seen much lately. So, after a lot of drama queen ishtyle moaning and groaning about how far his house is from mine and how I need to go to work the next day, I succumb and pack an overnight bag. The agenda for the night is Pizza and Spice Girls.
Veed's house is amazingly large. His computer desktop has a huge blow-up of himself with Emma Bunton, and when I enquired whether he had anything of Geri Halliwell ('It's Raining Men!') I got a scowl and a comment that he wasn't interested the least in Geri Whore-i-well.
*snigger*
Getting back to the task of mentoring. It was discovered that poor li'l Veed, who rarely goes to GB parties, and rarely meets suitable young gay men of a screwable age, didn't have an ID on that answer (and simultaneously, source) to all problems of young gay men of screwable age: Gay.com. It was his lucky day that I decided to play Fairy Godfather, and with his mouse doubling up as my wand, did the needful.
(By the way, there was absolutely no dirty joke implied in that last bit about mouses and wands. I just realised, upon re-reading this post, that it sounds funny. )
First, the hunt for a suitable name for our suitable boy. Thrown in the ring, were such hopefuls like 'Spice Boy', "Posh&Pecs", "Doc Veed", and finally we chose this slightly longer name that doesn't sound like a gay young man of screwable age at all. And no, we never even considered 'beautifullyintended'. ;-)
Fill up the form: Top/Btm? Ht? Wt? Wst? Eyes? Hair? Friendship/Fraandsip/Sex/Open Relationship/Closed relationship? Twink/Muscleman? Mumbai? Permutations and combinations, till we fnally reached the part that possibly is as far as most prospective profile watchers come to: the all-important Photo.
Choice 1 is the 'nanga' pic that li'l Veed is hyper about. Choice 2 is a tousle-haired bed-head look that took him 30 whole minutes to perfect. Choice 3 is the suited and spiked look. Choice 4 is something which is All Teeth. Veed is adamant that 'nanga' pic occupy pride of place as default pic, but the gay.com server didn't agree and refused to accept it. We stuck with the perfected bed-head look, instead.
Litmus test: hit the chatroom. Bated breath.
Sometime back, Veed and I had hit the chatroom under my user name, and I had shown the lad three different ways of chat in three different chat windows. 1. With the cute guy who lived in LA, try 'cute and sexy, flirty' chat. You want to keep him hooked. Veed was happy. 2. With guy no 2, who asked where you were in Bombay and whether you wanted to meet, try the 'out-and-out' sex chat, discuss fave positions and styles, and bedroom orientations and exchange numbers purely for game reasons. Veed was slightly horrified, but still fascinated. 3. Finally, with guys 3, 4 and 5, I used the 'go to hell' approach: no, you're ugly, and I don't wanna screw you, I don't wanna talk to you, so just jump in the well. Veed was "shocked and appalled".
He usually is. ;-)
But it was time now for the litmus test. This time, it wasn't me who would do the chatting. It wouldn't be my name or my pic. It would be the latest entrant in the India Countrywide chatroom of gay.com: Veed, with his ID and his not-so 'nanga' pic. Tension.
Later that day, when I told Boy over the phone how overwhelmed with parental pride I was when Veed got his first 'hits', he called me a psycho. I dare say, I am, at times. ;-) The boy got 5 hits in under 20 seconds. Five fucking hits. And imagine his drama-queen cheek, after chatting with them for eternity, he moans and groans that nobody liked him because he didn't have his 'nanga' pic.
I hugged my protege after that comment.
;-)
Update: The 'nanga' pic is up now, and li'l Veed has reportedly had loads more hits after uploading it. Gay.com has a new monster on the loose, and I feel like Dr Frankenstein now.
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