The other day, a friend called me from Delhi, and we got chatting about men, men, the things they do, the things they are, the things they make us feel, men, men and more men... Yes, so it was a long conversation, as you can well imagine. ;-)
And in the middle of all this, he spoke about something called the Emotional Fling.
And so I wondered how an Emotional Fling was different from a Relationship. And how a Fling was different from an Extended One-night-stand. And I thought, let's make the next Closet post yet another page from the hallowed portals of Gay-India-101. And even though I don't particularly like my spectacles, those who've seen me in them, say I look very high-brow boring teacher type, and so on they go again.
FreeSpirit of course has his own definitions, and I have my own. (Separate definitions come in handy in the gay universe, as anyone and everyone knows.) A one-nighter-or-nooner-or-eveninger for me is when I call up a guy whom I've met online and say, Hey, you look pretty cute, so why not come over for some coffee and a bada-bang - or if you're in a real hurry, we can always skip the coffee and head straight to my place for the bada-bang.
(Five times out of ten, they meet at the coffee shop; three times out of ten they meet me at the station and then decide to skip the coffee and head for the bada-bang; two times out of ten, they make up their minds from the very first that coffee is not what they're looking for, unless its dripping on my skin.)
And do I call the one-nighters/nooners/eveningers back? Well, I might, if they're good in bed, or if I'm bored the next time around and hunting for new meat will just absorb too much effort.
But, of course, that's still only an Extended One-night-stand, and not a Fling. (At least in my book, it isn't. FreeSpirit thinks otherwise, though.)
Meanwhile, the Fling starts with a real date. We're meeting on a date, we have a nice time, and we end up in bed. Good sex. But, it's clear on both accounts, from the very beginning that, hey, things are not going to get anymore serious than that: some great dates, some great sex, some great armcandy to parties. End of story. Draw the line after the paragraph. That's what you call a clean-cut Fling. When you're done, you 'fling' him away. *titter*
The real trouble starts, however, when you forget the rule you started out with. And after date no. 5 or 6, you start feeling moony about the Fling. You think: ok, he's smart, he's funny, he's sophisticated, I can identify with where he comes from, he can carry a conversation, he's a demigod when it comes to sex, so maybe there coiuld just be a teeny-weeny little spark of.... something?! That's when the Fling becomes the Emotional Fling. And that's when all hell may well break loose. Unless you know that the other person may also be thinking along those lines, it's best to nip things in the bud. And sometimes, you may just end up being as lucky as I was with Salsa Boy, who saw me going moony-eyed in the Emotional Fling mode, and firmly but kindly popped the bubble.
The Relationship, of course, is different. That's when both parties meet with the avowed intention of having a date. Which may or may not lead to sex. And the decision where you chose either A> Fling or B> Relationship may come either before or after the sex. That's when you decide, you're going to see where this goes, and cross your fingers for good measure. Extra tight.
***
And then, there are the exceptions. The strange little mongrels that sneak up on you when you don't really expect them to. I'm blushing here, because I'm thinking about that beautiful boy called Boy and me. Boy and I were supposed to be a one-noon-stand. I was free, and so was he, and when he called to say hi, he was in Bombay, I replied, hey I'm free this afternoon so come over for a bang. He did. He did. And, he did. The one-nooner licked at my toes like the cutest li'l shitzu you ever saw (I'm talking about Karma, of course) and I was hooked. Line and sinker.
Which just goes to show, for the umpteenth time, there are Boundaries and there are ummm... boundaries... in this jolly gay life.
No comments:
Post a Comment